Hello!
It's already the month of September and I can't wait for another week when I finally finish my internship!
Then I can have my long awaited break.
I really felt like I should have a getaway and just you know, take myself out for a while, not think about anything, just be.
And lucky me, for I am having plans for the coming weeks before September ends! Pretty excited for them that I am actually grinning like an idiot right now.
I figure October should be the month where I finally get into the whole " Find a job" thing.
So yeah, in these months that I have finished my undergraduate studies my plans has changed so much, gradually.
From:
Working overseas > Working in Malaysia first, get enough money to start up working overseas > Freelance first, while find for a job that I like regardless place > Settle down and put money as a priority > DON'T SETTLE DOWN, try something challenging to yourself for a few years >
To:
Take a break, think about what I want, then start.
It's.. crazy right?
I don't know if you'd call it indecisive, but I guess I just had a lot in mind, and I was confused at a moment. Money is really a very important issue here, especially when I'm someone who do not have a very good habit in saving. But after thinking for two months, reading up a lot, and listening to someone who have always had a different mindset, I start questioning myself, at this age, even if I'm earning a lot per month, what would I get at the end of the day? The only thing I might fastened up is the speed of me getting a house, but I'm not actually really in need of a house. I might lighten the financial burden but to be honest, there isn't really much financial burden that I carry to the fact that I need to work like a dog....and earn a lot... And that high pay job might not even be a job that I actually enjoy doing.
Okay la, bullshit cut short, I dread the working life.
I do.
I guess the transition period is scaring the shit out of me.
Because as I see around me, I have friends that graduates a year or two earlier than me and they get into working life and it sucked the life out of them.
It's really scary. Like somehow you lose a part of you into working, and most of them don't even like what they're doing everyday.
Call me naive maybe, I know it's really tough to get a job that you love, but man I think I have to at least like the things I do everyday?
I think I am lucky enough because I have the luxury to give myself a little break in between my internship and my supposed "working life".
I don't spend a lot, since I'm still staying at home, and I can still survive with a part time job in the time being.
I think this is luxurious enough compared to the people around me.
Some people really needs the money to survive, and they need it to pay off things.
So the question here, I guess,
is what you really want
vs
what you really need.
I think we're always being educated, told, brainwashed, advised to choose the latter.
What you really need.
But for now, I think I will want to choose the former.
Because at this moment, or for the shortest period of time, I am able to survive with what I have.
This life you are living right now is actually yours.
It's your decision whether you need certain things or not.
While you're still in your 20s.. I think settling down is a bit too early, unless it's what you look into in life. You want to settle.
I don't like the idea of settling, at least for now.
My mom said I'm still floating in the big sea, finding for something that I really want.
Might be a float, might be a lighthouse, might be a ship, might be a wooden plank.
I ask her if she's okay if I wanted to float a little longer.
I have a supportive mother, and I'm thankful. I have had all the luxuries before, and even now, to actually be able to float in the sea a little longer because of her.
:)
I guess after all these years.. I'm still the same person who thinks that rainbow and glitters and unicorn exists all together.
The reality might be smacking me real hard in the face if I am still jobless after this year so....
oops.
But! Fear not, for if there is a will, there is a way.
See?
I'm still a naive, optimistic person even at the age of 23, and some people may say. ignorant too.
*
On the other hand! I finished the last John Green book that I own and man, I think this beats all the others except Looking for Alaska because it's so damn good.
The fact that it has so many freaking metaphors inside is already winning.
And I guess somehow, when my mind is all clustered around what Margo have in mind about paper towns, paper buildings, paper girl, paper life.
We all become what we are suppose to be, we become the kind of characters that are "fiction" just like papers.
But I really, really hope we never become paper characters.
Because I really know, I really know deep down, you are just beyond the paper character everyone assumes you to be.
Yes, you.
:)
Great month ahead!