It's been some time since I have written, and this time I'd like to blog about an issue that many might find as a taboo topic to talk about, even in the era that we are living in now.
Sexual Harassment.
How many of us are willing to openly discuss about this "sensitive" issue with people around us, close or not?
I bet you, maybe just a handful of us.
Or maybe I'm wrong. Do correct me.
I previously presented this issue in front of almost 30-50 people, openly discussing about it and to my surprise, many acknowledged, especially females.
I specifically highlighted about the myths of sexual harassment.
Five Myths of Sexual Harassment:
1. Sexual Harassment is only physical.
- No, it is not. Any kind of gestures, verbal or physical can be a form of harassment as long as you feel uncomfortable. It does not need to be very direct nor clear cut, (EG: Someone touching your butt) but it can be just a verbal abuse directing/hinting sexual advances.
To be honest, if you ask me how to define the line or the border, I have no answers for you.
I question myself too.
But as long as you feel uncomfortable when someone is being suggestive in any sexual forms, it is a harassment.
To boil down, everyone's border line is different.
You just need to know where's your line.
2. Sexual Harassment is a degrading and sensitive issue to talk about
- No, it is definitely not. We should view it as any other social problems, just like how we talk about drug abuse, kidnap cases, corruption issues, etc.
I find it that the victims find it hardest to talk about as they might feel lesser than others after being harassed.
Why do I say this? It's because when I talk about it openly, then many of my female friends confessed to me, saying that they have met with all these harassment experiences but they've never spoken about it.
Some of the reasons are always : Didn't want to magnify the problem, didn't want to make a bad name for the perpetrator, uncomfortable to talk to others, thought people would just brush them off.
Sexual harassment shouldn't be viewed any lesser than any kind of assault.
3. Reporting is useless as damage is done
- Many, or even 99.9% of victims will tell me this, after having #2 as a mindset.
Reporting MAY not help the damage, but at least it helps to stop the viscous cycle.
Almost all perpetrator do not JUST stop at 1. They may go on to harass a whole lot of other people just because he/she feels IT'S TOTALLY FINE.
Just keep this in mind - when you report, it is not for the punishment, it is to help you yourself and the many other possible victims in the future.
4. "You think too much " perception
Many undermined the definition of sexual harassment just to save ourselves the hassle.
But does it really cure the problem?
Is this the right way to deal with such cases?
Victims tend to make excuses for the offender, and many will end up telling themselves that :
You know what, maybe I am overthinking the whole situation.
Before you tell yourself that, do yourself a favour and talk to someone else that will be able to help you with the problem. You may have people coming back and telling you the exact same thing - "You think too much".
The right person to talk about is actually someone helpful - may be your friends and family, but the better option would be a trained counselor that have dealt with similar experiences. Trust me, that's the only right thing to do. You will need someone to validate if the case is one, and there's no one that can do better other than a trained professional.
5. Sexual Harassment is ONLY gender biased.
- Big NO.
Sexual harassment may seem like it only occur to females, or more likely to occur to them, but truth is anyone can be put in the exact same situation.
Some males tell me they're okay with people touching their butts, while some tell me no.
It's never about the gender, but your personal limit on what's not comfortable for you.
Honestly, stepping out to talk about an issue that's a taboo takes a lot of my courage, especially when I have experienced this before.
Blogging about it now because I am more comfortable writing them down.
I do not want to play the victim card, nor am I asking for your sympathy and attention, I just want people to understand more about the issue.
From my personal experiences, if you ask me now, I still do not know how to differentiate between a plain joke or a rude verbal harassment. The line is so vague.
But I am fortunate as I personally know someone that is professionally trained to deal with things like this and she was one of the first people I contacted. Which is why I emphasize on really talking to someone if you're thrown into vague situations, because you would probably be blank. She validated my case, and I actually experienced it several times to finally acknowledged that I was being harassed. The last time it happened, it really breached my personal limit.
That is all that I can share.
Thank you for taking time to read this long-wordy post of mine, with no pictures.
Hopefully I'll come back with more travel posts in the future.
Love ya'll who still check this space!
xoxo
PS: I totally broke my promise of blogging once a month as I'm in a whole new phase of life!
Sexual Harassment.
How many of us are willing to openly discuss about this "sensitive" issue with people around us, close or not?
I bet you, maybe just a handful of us.
Or maybe I'm wrong. Do correct me.
I previously presented this issue in front of almost 30-50 people, openly discussing about it and to my surprise, many acknowledged, especially females.
I specifically highlighted about the myths of sexual harassment.
Five Myths of Sexual Harassment:
1. Sexual Harassment is only physical.
- No, it is not. Any kind of gestures, verbal or physical can be a form of harassment as long as you feel uncomfortable. It does not need to be very direct nor clear cut, (EG: Someone touching your butt) but it can be just a verbal abuse directing/hinting sexual advances.
To be honest, if you ask me how to define the line or the border, I have no answers for you.
I question myself too.
But as long as you feel uncomfortable when someone is being suggestive in any sexual forms, it is a harassment.
To boil down, everyone's border line is different.
You just need to know where's your line.
2. Sexual Harassment is a degrading and sensitive issue to talk about
- No, it is definitely not. We should view it as any other social problems, just like how we talk about drug abuse, kidnap cases, corruption issues, etc.
I find it that the victims find it hardest to talk about as they might feel lesser than others after being harassed.
Why do I say this? It's because when I talk about it openly, then many of my female friends confessed to me, saying that they have met with all these harassment experiences but they've never spoken about it.
Some of the reasons are always : Didn't want to magnify the problem, didn't want to make a bad name for the perpetrator, uncomfortable to talk to others, thought people would just brush them off.
Sexual harassment shouldn't be viewed any lesser than any kind of assault.
3. Reporting is useless as damage is done
- Many, or even 99.9% of victims will tell me this, after having #2 as a mindset.
Reporting MAY not help the damage, but at least it helps to stop the viscous cycle.
Almost all perpetrator do not JUST stop at 1. They may go on to harass a whole lot of other people just because he/she feels IT'S TOTALLY FINE.
Because my first victim never said anything? So why not?He/she will go on trying and trying to touch someone else's limit and when that final line is breached, maybe it is all too late.
Just keep this in mind - when you report, it is not for the punishment, it is to help you yourself and the many other possible victims in the future.
4. "You think too much " perception
Many undermined the definition of sexual harassment just to save ourselves the hassle.
But does it really cure the problem?
Is this the right way to deal with such cases?
Victims tend to make excuses for the offender, and many will end up telling themselves that :
You know what, maybe I am overthinking the whole situation.
Before you tell yourself that, do yourself a favour and talk to someone else that will be able to help you with the problem. You may have people coming back and telling you the exact same thing - "You think too much".
The right person to talk about is actually someone helpful - may be your friends and family, but the better option would be a trained counselor that have dealt with similar experiences. Trust me, that's the only right thing to do. You will need someone to validate if the case is one, and there's no one that can do better other than a trained professional.
5. Sexual Harassment is ONLY gender biased.
- Big NO.
Sexual harassment may seem like it only occur to females, or more likely to occur to them, but truth is anyone can be put in the exact same situation.
Some males tell me they're okay with people touching their butts, while some tell me no.
It's never about the gender, but your personal limit on what's not comfortable for you.
Honestly, stepping out to talk about an issue that's a taboo takes a lot of my courage, especially when I have experienced this before.
Blogging about it now because I am more comfortable writing them down.
I do not want to play the victim card, nor am I asking for your sympathy and attention, I just want people to understand more about the issue.
From my personal experiences, if you ask me now, I still do not know how to differentiate between a plain joke or a rude verbal harassment. The line is so vague.
But I am fortunate as I personally know someone that is professionally trained to deal with things like this and she was one of the first people I contacted. Which is why I emphasize on really talking to someone if you're thrown into vague situations, because you would probably be blank. She validated my case, and I actually experienced it several times to finally acknowledged that I was being harassed. The last time it happened, it really breached my personal limit.
That is all that I can share.
Thank you for taking time to read this long-wordy post of mine, with no pictures.
Hopefully I'll come back with more travel posts in the future.
Love ya'll who still check this space!
xoxo
PS: I totally broke my promise of blogging once a month as I'm in a whole new phase of life!